This is one of the questions I kind of dread answering! I think most people already have their opinion on co-sleeping, and judge my answer based on what they have determined is best for their situation.
Are we going to co-sleep? Quite possibly. We are going to do whatever is best for H.
Yes, H will be about 18 months old when we meet him and he may very well sleep in our bed or in our room for a long time. Yes - we may sleep (or try to....not saying we'd actually get much sleep) with an 18 month old in.our.bed. Ridiculous, you say? Maybe for your situation, but not for ours.
H will have spent the first 17+ months of his life in an orphanage. With multiple caregivers. With many children. He most likely does not know what it's like to have someone respond to his every cry. To hold him when he's sick. To gaze into his eyes when he's being fed. To meet his needs, each.and.every.one, quickly.
We will, in many ways, be starting from scratch with him. Which includes having him super duper close to us at all times, even in the night - just as you would a newborn - so that we can respond to him as soon as is humanly possible.
We're spoiling him? Nope. No one (in their right mind) would say that you're spoiling a newborn if, in the middle of the night, you respond to their cries. It's just the way things are supposed to be. It's normal. We're not spoiling him but teaching him that we will meet his needs, whatever his need is and w-h-e-n-e-v-e-r he has a need. He's never had a chance to learn this, and we are the individuals, blessed, if you ask me, who get to be there for him. Immediately. Even in the middle of the night....even for just a whimper.
It's what's best for him. Not forever, but for a time.
The same goes for a number of other things - feeding and discipline and other stuff. If you have only biological children, you may think we're nuts. But we're not nuts - we've just read books and gone to trainings and talked to other parents who've been there/done that. We're acting based on proven data. We're doing what's best for our son. What's best in our situation :)
Bed-sharing is awesome! I think even just co-sleeping with the kid in your room, but in their own bed is great. (My kids didn't go for that idea though!) We currently bed-share with both of our boys. I wouldn't trade it for anything!! I'm glad you are open to doing it. :)
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear that you do this as well! At least you're one person who doesn't think we're crazy :)
DeleteSounds like you have already learned the best thing a mother can and that is to not worry about what other people think and do what is best for you and your family. :) No need to explain anything to anyone.
ReplyDeleteYes! But people can be *so* irritating! I know I don't need to explain/defend...it's just hard to not :(
DeleteI totally understand. And believe me.. you will get SO many "That child needs to sleep in their own bed!" "You just have to let him cry." "They need to know how to self-soothe to get along in life." etc... Don't listen to them! Do what you know is best for YOUR family and YOUR son. He isn't going to be sleeping in your bed in college.. but it is okay to wait and move him to his own bed on his terms.
DeleteThank you :)
DeleteI have put Shiloh in bed with us when I have needed to. You do what you have to, to get rest and to meet your baby's needs. That being said I do NOT want to sleep with her in our bed as a routine thing. I don't see a problem with it to begin with when you are establishing a relationship and trying to care for a child who needs that, but in my mind it's not healthy to keep them in your bed for years and years. I feel like it does damage to your relationship with your spouse. Plus I don't sleep as good (so there is some selfishness involved). I don't think anyone would fault you for co-sleeping with H if you need to. If you decide to do it longer that is your choice too. I personally have my opinions on what is best for us, but you have to decide on your own what is best for you guys and not worry what other people think.
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